Church Funnies


There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and
announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good
news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The
bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the centre
of attention.
"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,
Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
Lord, it's morning."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put
a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our

 When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer
along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't
give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?"

 The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. "So, son,
what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to
her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable
in here?" asked the postal clerk.

 "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after
the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money
than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore,
he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a
substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted
to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said
impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make
the announcement about the finances."

 During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much
as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star
Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Give me a sense of humour, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get
some humour out of life, And pass it on to others.


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