1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. Heck, if I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up for the class in the first place!
2. When I was young and trim we used to go "skinny dipping", now... I just "chunky dunk".
3. Remember... the early bird still has to eat worms.
4. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is having to eat them anyway.
5. Never argue with an idiot; people watching the two of you squabbling may not be able to tell who's who.
6. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Delete' and then 'copy/paste' to do the really great parts again?
7. Real stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
8. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
9. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
10. Have you noticed that since our children have been forbidden to read the Bible in school, that an ever increasing number of them are encouraged to read it in prison?
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