Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives

us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired moustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are  no
longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. 


Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can
see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the
only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube
top and scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will,
Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves
and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager

and think: "For this I have stretch marks??"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can
still retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally...more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of


Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering
the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice

ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But, mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our
loved ones make the journey worthwhile.


Would any of you trade the knowledge that
you have now for the body you had back then?

Maybe our bodies simply  have to
expand to hold all of the wisdom and love we've acquired ...that's my
philosophy and I'm sticking to it!


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