Men and Women

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job
to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it


Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is
talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. --

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking


I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the
carburettor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret


People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman

At a party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are beautiful.




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