1. Don't sweat the petty things
and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
7. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
13 Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
15. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
16. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
20. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
21. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
22. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
27. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
32. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
33. Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
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